This version of "So Many" is, in many ways,
different from my "So Many" solo show in Princeton
earlier this year. "Hopes
of Many" sold. I have
arranged the ceramic parts of the "Many Levels I,II, III,IV"
by surface design rather than by color, as in my previous
show. In the series, "Many Layers", the glass cones are now
tilted and somewhat pointing toward one another and not
straight up, to show the "pregnant belly", or pointed toward
the viewer as armored breasts. I enlarged "Many
Others I" from four to eighteen and call it "So
Much Later". I felt I needed to do that because the
colors of that one piece speak more to my current feelings
than of how I related to others when I began "Many Faces of
Eve" and the free standing sculptures that followed. In the
earlier work, I used the earth's core colors to tune into my
own sensory experiences well as to my environment.Observing
these colors similarly to how you might a warning sign in a
national forest area indicating the immediate potential for
fire hazard. The colors, yellow, red, green and blue became
my signals' for how I felt and acted like my 'fire colors'.
In my later work, awareness has deepened, and is depicted in
the use of colors that have branched off the others. The
repeated four pattern on each piece represents opposing
feelings on my emotional roller-coaster. Feeling worried,
wound up and confused is symbolized by the spiral, feelings
of emptiness and being lost symbolized by the donut shape,
being relaxed and centered by straight lines, and being full
of hope and happiness by the circle. I have been asked why
the pieces have sharp glass cones. My response, is that when
the cancer was removed there was nothing left inside me to
attack, but on the outside, I felt there were 'many things'
I had to arm myself against. Another question brought
attention to my use of groups of four. This has to do with
my attempt to identify and then sort out other women's
experiences of breast cancer from my own. So there had to be
a set for me and a set for the other's. There are two piece
in the show that are very different from the rest. One is
called "So
Much Envy", titled before "Many
Others II" and shown vertically. After I had my third
baby, and the milk was all gone, I wanted my chest symmetry
back. The first reconstruction hadn't worked out too well. I
developed scar tissue that deformed the new breast and the
other one now had a part of the flesh removed. I had gone
through three pregnancies, so the remaining breast was now
as limp as a deflated balloon. I couldn't help envy those
that still had the fortune to have both breasts in tact. In
this show, that work is set horizontal, at my breast level,
so as to give a feeling for comparing. The more glittering
"pretty" look of these Raku fired pieces is so unlike how I
usually finish my work, taking on the "envy" of being
someone else's. The other piece,"So Much Pain", was the last
piece to be finished for this show. It was a tough feeling
to let out into the open. It speaks of my helplessness and
frustration at not being able to fully breast feed my third
child. I had been told I should be able to, so it was quite
a shock to find that not be true. As I was melting the milk
bottle caps on top of each piece, I found I made some peace
with my substitute, the milk bottle. I feel that with this
last piece I made I have let my guard down and found some
peace of mind.
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