Fun With Your New Head
Heads are so funny, and there are a thousand laughs in store for you in
the new, improved HEAD. Everyone enjoys a talking HEAD, from young to old.
Taste, see, smell, and "pain" with a HEAD. Experience every emotion
known to the HEAD. And if you already have a HEAD, remember what the HEADS
say: "Two HEADS are better than one!"
Everyone enjoys a talking HEAD. Every minute is different from the next
minute in incredible thought-chaos of a HEAD. And every single HEAD is different!
HEADS are so funny. Listen to the limbless talking HEAD talk about "Freedom,"
"Death," "Beauty," and "God-Father." Make
the HEAD fall in "Love" with you. Any HEAD can be made to "Love,"
if training manual instructions are carefully observed. Watch the worn-out
HEAD die, talking, talking, talking till the moment in decays. Indeed, it
is not an exaggeration to say HEADS are so funny.
Taste, see, smell, and "pain" with a HEAD. Every HEAD purchaser
receives absolutely free a "Life-time" supply of "Food."
Put "Food" in the HEAD's *Mouth*, then insert consensual Apparat
into *Left Collarbone*. You will taste every molecule of the *Mouth's* "Food."
Only those who have "eaten" with a *Mouth* can understand the
incredible sensations of "Food."
*Left Collarbone* is likewise Input/Output source for *Right Eye* and *Left
Eye*. See the strange little world of the *Right Eye*, looking at *you*!
See through the *Left Eye* too! Then see through both the *Right Eye* and
th e*Left Eye* together. Every Exo-Export HEAD has *two* eyes. Don't accept
*Left Collarbone* is likewise Input/Output source for *Nose*. Now, with
the new, improved HEAD you can experience the disconcerting primeval world
of "Sex," as the center of the new HEAD's sex-tropic response
is removed from obsolete and unsightly sacral area and redirected to the
graceful *Nose*. Just one more reason why two HEADS are better than one!
*Left Collarbone* is likewise Input/Output source for "pain"-sensitive
*Chin*. Throughout the galaxies there are creatures, often the most insignificant,
that can experience the famous "Negative Pleasure," and now with
a HEAD you can too! The new, improved HEAD is thirty percent more sensitive
to "pain," thanks to refinements in the *Chin*.
*Left Collarbone* is likewise Input/Output source and control center for
*Adam's Apple*. Nothing is easier than to take over your HEAD's talking-
function. Amuse your friends by talking through your own HEAD! What could
be funnier than to talk to another HEAD that thinks *you* are just a HEAD
Everyone enjoys a talking HEAD, from young to old. Even more fun than talking-function
of the HEAD is thought-function. Insert compassional Apparat into *Right
Collarbone*, and experience every emotion known to the HEAD. *You* will
feel the HEAD's amazing "Love." *You* will be paralyzed with the
HEAD's consuming "Fear" of pain and of its own inescapable death.
*You* will hate your own self -- perhaps the most exciting sensation of
HEADS are educational. Everyone should have his own HEAD to grow up with.
HEADS provide an easy and stimulating introduction to basic concepts of
xeno-language and xeno-culture. Each HEAD is given a thorough grounding
in the astonishing cultural traditions of its autochthonous planet. A third
of a lifetime is devoted to the education of every Exo-Export HEAD.
HEADS are perfectly safe for the young. The sharp, skeletal teeth are extracted
from each HEAD's *Mouth* at the time of assembly and refitted with harmless,
Many designers consider HEADS to be an attractive addition to the decor
of one's environment, especially in arrangements with contrasting xeno-flora
and xeno-fauna. For the fashion-conscious HEADS are available now
in a range of natural tincts from brown through pink. When treated with
new, special-formula Fungi-X, HEADS can also be cultivated in more agreeable
colors, though fungifying processes will abbreviate markedly the lifetime
of the HEADS so treated.
Everyone should have his own HEAD, and now everyone can! Thanks to the diminished
*Chest* volume of the new, improved HEAD, the result of recent advances
in biominiaturization, HEADS are cheaper than every before. They eat less
and take up less space too! So why don't you buy your new HEAD today?
Any HEAD you buy from Exo-Export is guaranteed to be the native handicraft
of its autochthonous planet, where bioengineering has long been practiced
by the wild-four-limbed progrnitors and manufacturers of the HEADS.
There are a thousand laughs in store for you in the new, improved HEAD.
Why don't you buy your new HEAD today? Why don't you buy your new HEAD today?
Why don't you buy your new HEAD today?
Only 49.95 from Exo-Export Monopolies.
Copyright 1968 by Thomas M. Disch An earlier version of this story, entitled
"Cephalotron," originally appeared in *Playboy Magazine*, copyright
1966 by HMH Publishing Co., Inc.