My name is Trurl, and I'm a constructor.
My good friend Klapaucius is also a constructor,
but not nearly as great as I.
Here are some of my noteworthy projects, for which I am famous:
- I made a machine that could create anything starting with the letter
- True to its perfect form, my machine instantly created both Nature
to a T, and a mighty Negative in the form of antiprotons, antielectrons,
antineutrons, antineutrinos, and a whole antimatter antiworld.
- Unfortunatly, that rogue Klapaucius
unwisely used my machine to bring about the non-existance of nolars, nighzebs,
nocs, necs, nallyrakers, neotremes, nonmalrigers, nonconformists, nonentities,
nonsense, nonsupport, nearsightedness, narrowmindedness, naughtiness, neglect,
nausea, necrophilia, nepotism, not to mention gruncheons, targalisks, shupops,
calinatifacts, thists, worches, pritons, and gentle zits, by asking for
Nothing!What a Nincompoop.
- I built an eight-story thinking machine that was almost as stubborn
and dim as Klapaucius, before he's had his
coffee in the morning.
- I made a Machine to Grant Your Every Wish for Klapaucius,
but he misused it. He wished for it to make a copy of myself, and then he
beat my replica! Fortunately, my replica was as clever as I, so it escaped,
and I captured and disassembled it so it could cause Klapaucius no harm.
- I built an Electronic Bard that composes poetry! Here are some of
its wonderful poems, for you to enjoy.
It passed every test that Klapaucius could
devise, and he fled in order to hide his envy and chagrin. Having proved
my point, I shall never again make a cybernetic model of the Muse.
- Klapaucius and I published an article
called "Recursive Beta-Metafunctions in the
Special Case of a Bogus Polypolice Transmogrification Conversion on an Oscillating
Harmonic Field of Glass Bells and Green Gig, Kerosene Lamp on the Left to
Divert Attention, Solved by Beastly Incarceration-Concatenation."
- I built a Femfatalatron to save Prince
Pantagoon from the Pangs of Love, but I had to further resort to a Cannonade