Date: Mon, 7 Mar 1994 19:10:04 EST
Subject: *REAL* science!
To: Multiple recipients of list SKEPTIC <<SKEPTIC@JHUVM.HCF.JHU.EDU>

Hah! While all of you out there on SKEPTIC are wasting time on scientific trivialities like AIDS statistics, global warming, psychology and the likes, others are addressing the truly *important* issues. Reproduced, for your edification and inspiration, from the newsmagazine "In These Times":

The *National Catholic Reporter* reports a major medical breakthrough! A Vatican-approved vibrating machine that attaches to the testicles has proved successful in gathering sperm for medical use as a "moral alternative to masturbation." The University of the Sacred Heart in Rome completed a survey of 17 men and concluded that "components that constitute the masturbation act would seem to be absent," such as "direct stimulation of the genital organ" and any "erotic feelings."

The task that awaits skeptics, of course, is a critique of the methodology: is 17 a *really* adequate sample size? Or is there a possibility of unleashing devastating sin onto the medical world because of failing to conduct a truly large scale study?

Taner Edis

Betty Lou paused in vigorously pulling and squeezing the old cow's udders and carressingly ran her fingers over the smooth, hard surface of her milking pail, dreaming lustily as she did so of cousin Zeke's new pectoral implants, paid for by the sale of the family tractor. -- Michelle Aubertin
(Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry)