"Excuse me, let me use the restroom first."  



     Every time I talk to you, you say, 
     "Excuse me, let me use the restroom first." 
     I asked why this happens and you said, 
     "The caffeine -- I drink a lot of coffee at work."  
     But this is what I think actually happens:  

          You see a lovely Asian woman whom  
     you made love to in late night buses standing  
     on the doorstep of your Beverly Hills
     house and you reminiscently smell the 
     week-old whiskey and stale potato  
     chips scattered on an East L.A. apartment  
     floor.  The dusty wind blows her sexy,  
     slightly sweaty and sensual scent, into  
     your nostrils and your blood pressure  
     skyrockets -- adding stiffness to your  
     penis.  Behind your Armani pinstriped 
     suit, sweat glands begin to dehydrate 
     cells, and your Listerine-disinfected 
     breath rasps like a respirator.  Your  
     penis yearns for cigarette-burned sheets 
     and a rented mattress on which to exert 
     its purpose with a yellow woman. 
          In the control center, technicians 
     shout, "Fuck her, quick!"  But 
     your Emergency Override kicks 
     in and says, "Excuse me, 
     let me use the restroom first."  

          When you arrive augustly in  
     the men's room, you activate that  
     desperate self-handling which you 
     hope will neutralize your erection. 
     This is how you are able to say 
     when you return, "Please leave 
     the premises."  



      --jennifer crystal chien