Femfatalatron 1.0 Product Description

The Femfatalatron, from Trurl Labs, is an erotifying device stochastic, elastic and orgiastic, and with plenty of feedback. Whoever is placed inside the apparatus instantaneously experiences all the charms, lures, wiles, winks and witchery of all the fairer sex in the Universe at once. The femfatalatron operates on a power of forty megamors, with a maximum attainable efficiency -- given a constant concupiscence coefficient -- of ninety-six percent, while the system's libidinous lubricity, measured of course in kilocupids, produces up to six units for every remote-control caress. This marvelous mechanism, moreover, is equipped with reversible ardor dampers, omnidirectional consummation amplifiers, absorption philters, paphian peripherals, and "first-sight" flip-flop circuits, since Trurl held here to the position of Dr. Yentzicus, creator of the famous oculo-oscular feel theory.

There are also all sorts of auxiliary components, like a high-frequency titillizer, an alternating tantalator, plus an entire set of lecherons and debaucheraries; on the outside, in a special glass case, are enormous dials, on which one can carefully follow the course of the whole decaptivation process. Statistical analysis reveals that the femfatalatron gives positive, permanent results in ninety-eight cases of unrequited amatorial superfixation out of a hundred. Includes autolips, aphrodisial philanderoids, and satyriacal panderynes as standard accessories.